Why Moms Shouldn't Be Fat.
By Lauren Hargrove
The bending the lifting, the ups and the downs.
The rocking and shh-ing, the fixing of frowns.
Of all of the things that I do with this bod,
I should look nothing less than a chiseled Greek god.
Bringing in all of the groceries alone,
Up the stairs, down the stairs- where is my phone???
How many times do I take this from you?
The plunger's off limits, the TP is too!
Why did I put my mixing bowl there?
Better climb up the counter, or pull up a chair.
Using the muscles I didn't know of,
To reach Lightning McQueen, by that old piece of grub.
You ate a hot Cheeto? Oh great, here it comes.
Wait for the diaper that will be "the runs".
Hauling out trash bags that reek of old poop.
Hoisting it into the dump full of goop.
Pulling you in your red wagon each day,
And just as I stop you yell, "Mom! Go that way!"
Coming home tired and wanting to rest,
Is just such a joke because now there's a test.
How patient are you by 7 pm.
Dinner, then bath time, and cleaning the den.
The kids are in bed, you plop down and sigh.
When all of the sudden, one starts to cry.
You dash up the stairs and you don't make a peep,
In fear that you might wake the one that's asleep.
The problem is fixed, and tip toed you go.
When right out of nowhere you get quite the blow.
You hop and you jump and turn right around,
To see what you stepped on. Oh look what you found!
That green dinosaur with its big pointy tail
All up in the air- that's what made you wail!
Just when you feel the day couldn't get worse,
Your muscles are sore and you just want to curse,
Your back's out of whack and you begin to think-
P90X doesn't do this to me!
My kids kicked my butt by the end of the day.
And I got quite the workout, I just have to say.
Changing into my jammies, I take off my top,
My trusty old belly pops out with a flop.
Bewildered I'm wondering, "How can this be?"
Did you see all the things my kids did to me?!
But talking to fat never did anyone good,
If I could get rid of it, surely I would!
Men age so graciously, handsome and grey.
Women's boobs droop and their fannies? They hang.
One thing's for certain though, I'll tell you that-
It isn't fair moms are the ones that get fat.
